Ric Pawloski is the executive director of the Ferry Street Resource Center in Niles. He can be reached at directorfsrc@gmail.com.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Was Aretha Right?

In 1967, Aretha Franklin released her version of “Respect,” a song originally released in a slightly different form by Otis Redding. Aretha’s version was an early anthem for strong, independent women and became a landmark for the feminist movement at the time. Webster’s defines respect as “to consider worthy of high regard.”

I have been thinking a lot lately about giving and receiving respect in our current society and how this give and get has changed over time. We’ve seen numerous allegations of women who have endured assault.

After the recent verdict in the initial Harvey Weinstein case, I was watching an interview with one of the victims where she explained that she didn’t tell anybody at the time because “he was up here” as she raises her hand to indicate his lofty position in Hollywood and goes on to say “and I was down here” to indicate she was lowly and insignificant by comparison. If you have ever felt disrespected, I am certain you can relate to that feeling and equally know how poorly you can feel.

We all want to be respected. We look for it in relationships both family and romantic, in the workplace, in commercial establishments, from co-workers, law enforcement, landlords or mortgage companies and the list goes on and on.

We frequently hear how respect needs to be earned. I believe this earning of respect takes on a “chicken or the egg” dynamic as we consider who earns the respect first. Should we not treat people with respect from the outset? Do we disrespect people until they “earn” respect?

If I disrespect someone, doesn’t that mean I myself have not earned respect, and I deserve to get back what I have given?

How about those who give respect to people based on their appearance without any knowledge of the person’s having “earned” it? Or the opposite scenario, where we don’t respect someone because they look different from us? In both scenarios, we have no idea who we are dealing with because we haven’t taken the time to get to know them. I believe very strongly that giving respect should be the starting point as we put in the efforts necessary to really get to know someone. It is only through a deeper understanding of our neighbors’ journey through life that will allow us to make an informed assessment of the level of respect we each deserve.

When I am teaching my Gateway to Greatness/Jobs for Life classes, I often see the lack of self-esteem that some participants are struggling with resulting from a lack of respect by many people that are important to them. When they come to class, it becomes a very deep discussion. The one thing that I experience through those discussions is the tremendous respect that I gain for them because of the strength, resilience and perseverance that they display.

As I get to know who they really are and what they’ve overcome my respect deepens.

Listen to Aretha, R-E-S-P-E-C-T.