There are things in life that can never be anything but firsts: the day you were born, your first step, first word, first day of school, first kiss and first love.

I saw a story recently about Margaret Hamilton who was involved in the calculations and early software that sent the first men to the moon. She said, “It had to work the first time because if it didn’t, it meant disaster. There were no second chances.”

A discussion on second chances will illicit different emotions and opinions.

Some people will say easily that “everyone deserves a second chance.” However, saying this is often easier than doing it. Others will say that we have the responsibility to make good choices the first time and that if bad decisions are made, it is appropriate for us to suffer the associated consequences. Often, we hold people accountable for those poor choices long after the payment of consequences has been made.

I believe that there are two basic approaches we can take to second chances: judgment and forgiveness.

As I work daily with people whose bad choices that have resulted in severe consequences, I have seen how repeated roadblocks to their growth and success in life perpetuate their inability to develop a sustainable lifestyle. It is the judgment by others in their lives based on a piece of paper that lists in excruciating detail their past transgressions that becomes the biggest barrier to a better life. 

There is a verse in the Bible that speaks clearly to this in Romans, “Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in the way of a brother or sister.”

The other path is the one paved with forgiveness. Many people struggle to forgive the transgressions of others and oftentimes struggle to forgive themselves. Again, scripture tells us that we should forgive “70 times seven times.” It is through the vehicle of forgiveness that we can open the way to a new and more satisfying life for those who are trying desperately to become someone different than they are on paper. I have met many talented people who struggle because we judge and do not forgive what they have done in the past.

Consider the story of “Jim.” He came to Ferry Street in his 50s with a feeling of hopelessness, no job and always struggling to live and provide for himself. He had long lived in shame for a 30-year-old offense. I suggested Jobs for Life classes, and he attended. Through the teaching of character and forgiveness, he graduated, went to work, became engaged to his girlfriend and was recently married. He continues to work full time and is a changed man because he was able to forgive himself and an employer looked beyond his past and gave him a second chance.

At your next opportunity, become a part of someone’s first, second chance and help change a life.

 

Ric Pawloski, is the executive director of the Ferry Street Resource Center in Niles. He can be reached at directorfsrc@gmail.com.