Part I

Deep within a dark and dense forest, two mystical travelers made their way along a trail less traveled, on their way to a conference on Supernatural Power Brokerage: a symposium on the influence of mysticism on the supernaturally endowed.

One of the voyagers was Rick, an ancient wizard with an attitude. The other was LoDi, an ill-tempered demi-god who was scheduled to host a conference round table discussion on anger management.

They traveled by means of a Gator RSX — a high performance off road utility vehicle powered by a 63 HP, four-stroke engine, featuring bucket seats and the power steering option. The wizard conjured up the ORV because walking the entire distance didn’t work well with his travel plans.

Along the way, perched atop an outcropping of granite, a scribe sat at a massive mahogany desk under a protective canopy made of Mossy Oak camouflage. On the desk were two ledgers of immense proportions and great importance. In his hand the scribe clutched a No. 2 pencil, held at the ready to record all important events.

“Ahoy, sir,” called out LoDi from the passenger seat of the Gator. “Are we on the right trail to get to the Conference on Supernatural Power Brokerage? It is being hosted at the Center of the Universe Resort and Conference Center.”

“You are, and you aren’t,” came a cryptic answer from the scribe.

The two travelers looked at each other, and then back at the scribe.

“Hey Pencil Boy,” called out the wizard. with a slight tone of disdain in his voice. “Is this the road to the conference, or is it not?”

Bouncing around on the Gator was starting to sour the Wizard’s usually acerbic attitude. His disposition could have benefited from a snickers bar.

“I am the Chronicler of All things,” bellowed the scribe. “I have two ledgers, within which all things exist. Everything that will ever happen is listed in this ledger.”

He pointed to one of the colossal books and growled in a way that lowered the air pressure in the Gator’s tires.

“As things come to be, I transfer those matters to this ledger.”

He then pointed to the second of the two books.

“The first book lists everything that will ever be. The second book lists everything that has ever been.”

“Everything that will ever be,” questioned LoDi. “Are you saying the future is predestined and there is nothing we can do about it?”

“And how could you have possibly have written everything that has already happened down in one book,” challenged the wizard.

The scribed spun the pencil around his fingers like Ringo Starr twirling drumsticks.

“I don’t write down EVERYTHING,” he explained. “It’s a big-picture type of list. The Book of Everything that Will Ever Be didn’t list, ‘Einstein will dream up the Theory of Relativity.’ It just listed ‘Theory of Relativity.’ No names. Just the event. When Einstein concocted the math, I simply moved the event over to the Been-There-Done-That book. It was going to happen, eventually — the unknown part was who was going to figure it out, first.”

“So your Book of Everything that Will Ever Be started with the Big Bang?” reasoned the demi-god.

The scribe offered a smirk and said, “A lot of things had to be in place long before that little thing came along. Plenty of stuff had to happen first, like Thought and Consciousness and Soup — you know, the basic building blocks. The whole Big Bang thing was way down on the list — maybe 827 or 828.”

Are you confused, yet? Come back next week and learn more about the Wizard, the demi-god, the scribe, and the books of “Will Be” and “Has Been.”

Larry Wilson is a mostly lifelong resident of Niles. His optimistic “glass full to overflowing” view of life shapes his writing. His essays stem from experiences, compilations and recollections from friends and family. Wilson touts himself as “a dubiously licensed teller of tall tales, sworn to uphold the precept of ‘It’s my story; that’s the way I’m telling it.’” He can be reached at wflw@hotmail.com.