PART I
In a Denny’s parking lot located on the northern plains of Illinois, a contemporary scribe of Viking sagas, known as Ragnar the Embellisher, sat in his aging yet still sturdy Volvo and waited for a member of the press.
His agent (also known as his brother-in-law) had booked an interview to promote Ragnar’s latest book, “Revising the Past with Lutefisk,” a Scandinavian cookbook dedicated to the history of lye-soaked white fish recipes. Ragnar had acquired a certain level of fame due to brisk and promising book sales in Duluth, Menominee, and the western half of the Upper Peninsula.
This prompted Ragnar’s brother-in-law to seize the moment and expose the rest of the world to the wit, wisdom, and revisionist history of Nordic cuisine.
Ragnar had arrived early and was patiently thumbing through news feeds on his phone, when a stunningly beautiful woman, driving a 1967 Mustang, pulled into the lot and slowly backed her car into the parking space in front of him. She swung open her car door and gracefully exited, causing Ragnar to drop his phone.
Assuming she must be the journalist his agent had scheduled — actually, hoping with all that drives a man’s desires that she was the one — he quickly climbed out of his Volvo and offered a slight smile and a timid, “You must be the one I’ve been waiting for”. The woman cast a quick glance at the bearded, ginger-haired Norseman and, in much less than polite terms (unprintable terms, actually), explained to him that he was mistaken.
Dejected, Ragnar returned to the comfort and security of his trusty Volvo. Within minutes, another car entered the parking lot and pulled into the space alongside Ragnar’s car.
The horn-rimmed hipster behind the wheel slid his window down and motioned for Ragnar to do the same. “You the guy that wrote the fish book?” he asked, without a hint of interest in the answer.
Ragnar was crushed by the transition from the fantasy of a beautiful woman in a classic sports car to the reality of this guy in a rented sedan from Enterprise. The two exchanged quick introductions and weak handshakes (Ragnar the Embellisher meet Mort the Hipster Blogger), entered the Denny’s, and with an air of importance asked for a booth away from the afternoon crowd (there were only three other customers in the entire place).
On their way to the booth, both writers slowed to a near stop as they passed the woman from the Mustang. She adroitly ignored them both.
After being seated and cups of coffee poured, Mort wasted no time in getting to the meat of things.
“Why did you write a fish book?”
Mort wanted to get the interview over with as quickly as possible, head to an expensive and pretentious little coffee shop, drink nasty tasting coffee, and tell everyone else how delicious it was.
“It’s not a fish book,” Ragnar growled graciously. “It is a book about the history, culture, and cuisine of the Vikings.”
“It’s about cooking fish,” replied Mort as he read the book’s dust jacket for the first time. “It says here that it’s about making Lutefisk. What’s that?”
“Whitefish soaked in lye until it turns gelatinous,” answered Ragnar with a proud smile. “It’s a traditional Norse Yule dish.”
“Fish Jell-O? You Vikings give each other fish Jell-O for Christmas? You wrote a book about fish Jell-O? I have a world-renown, informational blog and you want me to write a piece about a guy who writes a book about fish Jello”
“Are you stuck for more creative words to say, Blog Boy? Download a thesaurus.” Ragnar was about to unleash his full-on Viking all over Mort’s blogosphere. “It’s called Lutefisk,”
“But, it’s a book about…about…about fish Jell-O.” Mort was definitely at a loss for a better word.
Sensing weakness, Ragnar counter-punched. “What have you ever written about? I’ll bet your blog is full of click bait like ‘You Won’t Believe What the Cast of My Mother the Car Looks Like Now?’ How many people read you blog? Does your mom even read it?” Ragnar was getting ready to bring Thor’s Hammer down on Mort.
Will Ragnar get the literary respect he deserves? Will Mort live to finish his interview? What’s the deal with the woman in the Mustang? Doesn’t anybody care about the Narrator? Check it all out next week.

Larry Wilson is a mostly lifelong resident of Niles. His optimistic “glass full to overflowing” view of life shapes his writing. His essays stem from experiences, compilations and recollections from friends and family. Wilson touts himself as “a dubiously licensed teller of tall tales, sworn to uphold the precept of ‘It’s my story; that’s the way I’m telling it.’” He can be reached at wflw@hotmail.com.