PART ONE

Arnold Tobin burst through the front door of Sarah’s Diner, in a manner similar to the bombastic entrances of Big John Hudson – minus all of the bombasticness. “I’m running the city, now,” Arnold announced in a manner similar to Big John’s typically preposterous opening remarks – adding in a just tiny bit more preposterousness.
“You don’t say,” Mort Ellingson, the most tech savvy of the Circular Congregation Breakfast Club, responded politely. “I feel your message is imprudent and it is probably going to be calamitous to learn more.”
“Huh?” asked Arnold, because that was the first (and only) thing that came to mind.
“Mort bought a new dinosaur from an on-line dating auction,” explained Big John with a smirk of admiration for Arnold’s entrance – he gave it an 85; it had a good beat and you could dance to it.
“A what?” Arnold hesitated to ask any questions. He didn’t want the impact of his grand announcement to take on the consistency of a plate of grits.
“I bought a pre-owned thesaurus at an unregulated post-retail merchandise emporium,” explained Mort. “I’m expanding my vocabulary while dieting.” Believe it or not, the second part really was connected to the first – Arnold had created his own fad diet where hunger for junk food was replaced by a hunger for knowledge. So far, Mort had only shed the twenty-five cent price of a dog-eared garage sale book.
“I’m running the city, now,” Arnold tried to tug the conversation back his way.
“Running it into the ground?” asked Harry.
“Running it ragged?” chimed in Jimmy.
“Running it over?” asked Tommy Jones, the elder statesman group.
Breakfast conversations at the diner usually – okay, ALWAYS – went this way. Someone would start out with, what seemed to them to be, a reasonable topic (and it usually wasn’t). That was then followed by the merciless onslaught of friendly fire from the other half dozen, or so, occupants of the big round table. All the while, Sarah would fill (and refill) coffee cups and silently laugh at the inanity of men (I, too, have a thesaurus – I need to go on a diet, also).
“Running the city. I’m running the city, now.” Arnold was getting a little frustrated with the inattentiveness of his dining compatriots. “I’m on the…”
“I’ve been thinking about getting a dog,” mused Tommy in a completely unrelated way.
“What are you going to name it?” asked Jimmy – not because he cared to know, but because it kept the conversation stirred up in a way similar to the power of a flush handle on a water closet.
“I’ll probably name it something.”
“That’s a good name. A long time ago, I had a dog named Stoppit.”
“STOP IT!” Arnold barked. “I’m running the city, now. I’m on the…”
“It’s good we’re having weather,” announced Harry.
“I heard they’re having weather up north,” added Jimmy – again just trying to push down on that flush handle. “It’s not lake effect, like we always get, here at the Center of the Universe. It’s up north weather. Lots of it.”
“I love up north weather,” chimed in Big John, “except in the winter.”
“More coffee, guys?” Sarah interrupted.
“No more for me, thanks. I’ve got to get going,” answered Harry. Similar responses came from everyone else sitting at the table – except for Arnold. Bellies were pushed back from the simulated oak table and a gastronomically satisfied parade made its way to the cash register.
Arnold Tobin sat quietly at the big round table occupying the middle of Sarah’s Diner. A full cup of hot coffee was his only companion. “They’ll be back, tomorrow,” he thought to himself. “I’ll tell them, then.

Larry Wilson is a mostly lifelong resident of Niles. His optimistic “glass full to overflowing” view of life shapes his writing. His essays stem from experiences, compilations and recollections from friends and family. Wilson touts himself as “a dubiously licensed teller of tall tales, sworn to uphold the precept of ‘It’s my story; that’s the way I’m telling it.’” He can be reached at wflw@hotmail.com.