Niles now has a brand new bridge, with a somewhat anachronistic design, and a commission with the goal of dotting the riverfront with sculptures of prominent figures from the past that will “turn Niles into a destination for fine art and rich history.”

And, because all these visitors will need more places to refresh themselves, it is good news that the former Riverfront Cafe may someday reopen with a new name. So, to the new owners, why not jump on the historical and cultural bandwagon and create a literary-themed bar?

In keeping with the city’s effort to promote local history, a bar and restaurant recognizing our hometown boy, Ring Lardner — sportswriter, syndicated columnist, playwright, silly song composer, master of the short story and bar-room frequenter — would be a great attraction and educational experience.

There are many such places throughout the country that honor the likes of Hemingway, Fitzgerald, Wilde, London, Poe, and many others. Why not Ring? After all, he could hold his own with best of them. A “Ring’s Place” or “You Know Me Al’s” would blend in quite nicely.

There may be, I suppose, some objection to having a drinking establishment, and a school, that honor the same fellow. But just ask the students who have attended the school and you’ll likely learn precious little about Ring. Besides, Ring never even attended a junior high school and may not have been too keen on the idea of even having one.

In a response to an article written by H.G. Wells, a fellow who thought he knew everything about education and what a 16 year old should be expected to have learned — perhaps an antecedent to today’s Common Core Standards — Ring wrote an article titled “What I Ought to of Learnt in High School” for the November 1923, edition of The American Magazine.

In his characteristic “Lardner Ringlish” he quipped:

They was one central school bldg. in Niles, at this era. It was 3 storeys in hight and the high school was on the top floor. Hence high school.

“But must state in justice to the lower grades that I did not tend same as us 3 youngest members of the family was too fragile to mingle with the tough eggs from the West Side and the Dickereel. We had a private tutor that come to the house every morning at 9 and stayed till noon and on acct. of it taking him 2 and a 1/2 hrs. to get us to stop giggling, why they was only a 1/2 hr. left for work and this was genally always spent on penmanship which was his passion.

“… However, I do think, Mr. Wells, that you expect too much from sweet 16. From my experience I would say that was about the right age to start kindergarten and then by the time you got to high school you would be old enough to at least try to learn. From 12 to 17 or 18 ain’t no time to waste on books a specially in Niles, Mich. where gals is gals.”

There is more than a semblance of truth in Ring’s satire. Lardner biographer, Donald Elder, who grew up in Niles and knew many of Ring’s family and friends, pointed out that the three youngest members of the family had all failed their high school entrance exams, but went on to explain:

However, matters were arranged. Mrs. Lardner did not intend that her children should suffer any disadvantages. Although the superintendent of schools disapproved of the children’s having been privately educated, he agreed to let them enter on probation, placing Ring and Anna in the ninth grade and Rex in the tenth. It turned out that they knew a good deal more than the curriculum required and they got through high school quite easily. Ring scarcely had to exert himself to come through with honors.

And he was only 16 at the time!

Elder, by the way, was also a pretty smart fellow. After suffering his own disadvantage of being born in Detroit, he was raised in Niles and attended all three stories of the central school building. He was Valedictorian of the Class of 1930, won a literary prize at the University of Michigan, and then moved on to Manhattan and an editor job at Doubleday Publishing. It would probably be more appropriate to re-name our junior high, Elder Junior High. That would at least provide the students with an example of an oxymoron.

But back to the bar proposal. In response to Mr. Wells’ desire that children should be able to master at least three foreign languages Ring noted that he “had mastered just enough of one live foreign language to tell Razzle, a gullible bartender, that Ich war ein und zwanzig Jahre alt.”

In Symptoms of Being 35, Ring tells the story of drinking in Niles when he was 16 with his buddy George Dougan. Ring, it seems, had little trouble getting served while George, who was nearly 21, was offered a bottle of white pop.

“ … and the result was that we would half to take our custom down to Pigeon’s where everybody that had a dime was the same age and the only minors was the boys that tried to start a charge acct.

I must hand it to Geo. for one thing. No matter how sore it made him to get turned down he never told them the truth about me.”

“Of course,” Elder commented, “whether or not Ring realized it at the time, it would have been impossible for any bartender in Niles not to recognize him and know that he was under 21. The laws in Niles were not strictly observed.”

The accommodating bartender known as “Pigeon” was Charles Radewald, and his establishment just happened to be in the south part of the Riverfront Café building, right where the front door is located.

So this truly was Ring’s place.

Just add a few photos and a bit of memorabilia and you’ll have a great themed bar that promotes Niles history.

Craig Jacobs

Niles