The, as yet, unfinished history of war (part two)

Published 9:50 am Thursday, July 16, 2015

This is a history lesson, told in three parts, contrived in the truest sense of fabricated historical recording. In Part 1, we learned about the Intolera Lactosians — a tribe that ate wild game and maple syrup, and invented the first out-houses.


The Dairias Homogenus were a peaceful clan of harvesters and imbibers. Members of the clan occupied a large expanse of land on the western shore of the Lower Intestinal River; well established with vineyards of wild grapes, rope hemp meadows, and an abundance of fruit trees. Wild boar, bison, and prairie chickens also freely roamed the savannah, unaware of any natural predators. The ethos of the Dairias Homogenus was that of peace and sharing. Hunting, killing, and eating prey was not part of their culture. The thought of eating dead animal parts was an unknown concept.

Although the Dairias Homogenus were an independent, individualistic, and open-minded society, they did have a very strong philosophical — almost religious — aspect to their culture. They believed in rules. The most important rule within the Dairias society was that “Rules Exist.” Embedded within the nature and culture of every member of the clan was the desire to discover the rules. However, no member of the clan had ever discovered a rule which stated that rules must be followed — they just existed. Therefore, clan leadership was not obligated to enforce any of the rules.

The rules of nature, seasons, and life were obvious and easy to understand — sanitation facilities were not. The rule of “Use and Return” required no effort to follow. Use the food that the land gives — when you are done with the food, give it back to the land. The rope hemp meadows were well fertilized.

However, no hardwood forests grew on the Dairias Homogenus side of the river, to provide shelter or unused out houses. Therefore, the Dairias Homogenus slept beneath the stars or under sagging canopies of fruit trees.

The narrations of Flavor Flavious indicate that clan leadership was maintained on an annual, voluntary basis. Due to clan life being very individualistic and unregulated, the need for leadership control was unnecessary.

Entertainment and festivity was a large part of their social culture and philosophy, easily augmented with aged juice squeezed from grapes. The only real purpose for clan leaders was to schedule festivals and celebrations — with most celebrations consisting of consuming aged grape squeezing while singing and dancing around a hemp rope fire. The culmination of all celebrations was the sharing of all rules discovered since the previous celebration.

Larry Wilson is a mostly lifelong resident of Niles. His optimistic “glass full to overflowing” view of life shapes his writing. His essays stem from experiences, compilations and recollections from friends and family. Wilson touts himself as “a dubiously licensed teller of tall tales, sworn to uphold the precept of ‘It’s my story; that’s the way I’m telling it.’” He can be reached at