Brayden Swathwood movie review: ‘Evil Dead’

Published 7:34 am Friday, April 12, 2013

Brayden Swathwood
Star Struck

“Evil Dead”
2 1/2 out of 5 stars
Rating: R
Genre: Horror

Years after the 1981 NC-17 classic of “The Evil Dead,” Sam Raimi and Bruce Campbell decided it would be smart to do a remake of an original. With the weekend box office bringing in more than $25 million, obviously it was a smart choice for them. But did it live up to the original? Did the movie have anything really unique? The simple answer is, no.
Gutsy newcomer Fede Alvarez directs “Evil Dead” without messing around with the basics. The story is straight up: Five friends go the cabin, they find an illustration of demonic witchcraft full of gruesome art and, after reading a short passage, unleash an unknown evil. It’s great he decided to keep it nice and simple, but  there was no inventiveness whatsoever.
Besides the mystery within the film, the real thing we should be trying to figure out is how this only got an R rating. The language was bizarre and unnecessary. The speech reminded me of “The Exorcism.”
While watching this, I was wondering where I could buy a shirt that says “Got Blood?” Left and right, blood would be shooting out like geysers and fountains from Las Vegas. One of the characters licks a piercing box cutter, butterflying their tongue. Another has red-eyed rats pouring out of the mouth. Eyes are stabbed with needles, electric carving knives serve up limbs, and chainsaws do what chainsaws do best. Those are just a few of the horrific images witnessed. Not to mention it literally rained blood! This movie deserves the NC-17 rating. The audience screamed and people buried their faces into others.
However, the acting was superb and included a list of people who we’ve never heard of. They could be big stars someday.
The movie stays true to the bland horror of the original. It’s straight up and easy.
With the original made in 1981, you would think they could have found a better makeup artist, but instead they nearly copied the makeup from the original creatures to the new one.
This is possibly the worst remake of a horror film. If you want to watch a horror film, “Sinister” is now on DVD. Save your money.