A trio of travelers (a wizard, a demigod, and an oracle) made their way through the depths of an enchanted forest. Their destination was the 13th Annual Conference on Super Natural Wizardry and Demigoduery — held each year at the far side of the woodland in the hamlet of Garylarson.

Ran, the wizard, was tired and cantankerous (aren’t they all?) from the arduous voyage. In a fit of crankiness more tetchy than usual, he turned LoDi, the demigod, into a sack of potatoes. LoDi had been disrespectful to the oracle — and, as everyone knows, the easiest way to straighten out a disrespectful demigod is to turn him into a sack of potatoes.

When the wizard and the demigod first met Olive Canola, the oracle, she was a cursed old hag, living on a houseboat. However, when the wizard turned the obnoxious demigod into a sack of potatoes, for the first time since being cursed, she laughed. Her laughter broke the spell and she returned to her former, young and beautiful, self. Taking pity on the directionally challenged male mystics, she agreed to accompany the wizard and the sack of potatoes, as their guide to the conference.

“Why do we always have to travel through a dark and endless enchanted forest?” carped LoDi. “Why can’t we just get on the expressway, like everyone else?” In spite of his potato sack transformation, the demigod continued to whine and complain from deep within his starch-based confines.

“Tradition,” mumbled the wizard. “No self-respecting wizard would ever be caught hitting an off-ramp in a mini-van. My way is no highway.”

“I’ve never seen that potato sack trick before,” laughed the oracle. “But, if that is something new, I’m all for breaking with tradition.”

“Ah yes,” came a strong voice from somewhere within the forest. “Tradition is good, but knowledge is ever-changing. Something can be accomplished differently and still be the same thing.”

“What fool is mumbling gibberish?” queried the voice-in-a-bag. “What’s going on out there?”

“I am Novak of the Forest,” replied the voice. “I am a Kotter. Of all the mystics, my kind have the power to enlighten. We mingle with the mortals and are known as teachers.” With that, a figure emerged from behind an oak tree, smoking a Meerschaum pipe, wearing a corduroy jacket with leather elbow patches, and bearing a strong resemblance to James Franciscus.

“How can your power be enlightenment?” scoffed the wizard. “You are not a mystic. You cannot teach the future — you can only teach the past. It is called history!”

“I am a Kotter,” the teacher scoffed at the wizard’s ignorance. “Yes, I deal with the past because I share existing knowledge. My real power is in showing how to search for a better way. Finding a better way changes all of the tomorrows.” With this, Novak smiled at the oracle before turning his attention back to the wizard. “What can you do besides squirt lightning bolts out the end of your staff? I think my stallion is better equipped for that than you.”

“Mr. Novak,” Olive interrupted. “What brings you to this part of the forest?”

“She’s an oracle,” came a muffled retort from within the potato sack. “Shouldn’t she already know that?” Of course, that was the type of rudeness that got LoDi confined to a sack, in the first place.

“I, too, am traveling to the far side of the forest to attend the mysticism conference,” the Kotter explained to Olive (while ignoring Ran and LoDi). “I will be conducting a round-table discussion on mystic-mortal interactions. May I offer you a ride on my mount?”

The oracle took a long look at Mr. Novak and his stallion. She, then, shot a quick glance at the ancient wizard and his mumbling sack of potatoes. Another long gaze at the stallion, followed by another fleeting glimpse back at the wizard and potato boy. “Sorry guys,” Olive said to Ran and LoDi — in a voice that did not sound sorry. “See you at the conference… if you ever figure out how to get there.”

Once again, the wizard and the demigod were lost and alone. Begrudgingly, Ran returned LoDi to his original form so he would have someone to grumble to — and about. Together, they resumed their wandering sojourn to the far side of the never-ending forest.