The average price today of an American wedding rings in at a little more than $20,000.
Increase that to $40,000 if you live in a city like New York. I feel uncomfortable asking recently married couples how much they paid for their weddings, so I thought I would look it up.

I recognize that weddings are (supposedly) a once-in-a-lifetime event that you want to remember forever. However, I don’t want the bill for that five-tier wedding cake to scar my credit rating forever. And those flower bouquets are heading to the trash when we’re done; I’m not the nostalgic drying flowers-type.

That said, wedding planning has been an, um, interesting experience. Unlike some single women, I can’t say I’ve had images of my “dream dress that will make me feel like a princess” dancing around in my head since I was little. I have no illusions about weddings; it is about the marriage itself. The dress will go in the closet, the photos in the albums, but the marriage won’t fade or wilt or be put in a box.

My reluctance to begin and my confusion about where to start are not conducive to successful wedding planning. I am much more excited about the honeymoon (no idea where that will be) and eventually buying a house (don’t know that either) than the wedding ceremony. It’s not that I’m not excited, it’s just not my thing.

So in swoops my friend Stephanie to the rescue. For the record, I would never ask a bridesmaid to do anything other than show up. My wedding’s going to be pretty low-maintenance, and all of the bridesmaids live several hours away, so my fiance and I will be doing most of the work ourselves. My fiance actually ordered two wedding books on his own, so his contribution is hardly a concern.

Stephanie is the ultimate wedding planner. She may not have a title in front of her name, but she lives and breathes weddings and planned two years for hers. I told her last night at about 7 p.m. she was going to be a bridesmaid; by 7:55 p.m. she e-mailed me a link to the Web site she started for me. This, in the same night her own wedding dress came in for her to try on.

These people, I suspect, are going to enable my nonchalant-ness toward weddings. I appreciate a beautiful, tastefully done wedding. I’ll shed a tear for a friend tying a knot at the altar. But taffeta and the color white in large quantities kind of make me gag.
I’ve found that weddings have grown to gastronomic proportions over the years. Ask your grandparents if they gave their guests can coolies with their names and the date of their wedding on them. Or threw pink sequin heart confetti on the bride and groom after the deal was sealed.

This, my friends, is why some people elope in Vegas.

Katie Johnson is the managing editor of the Niles Daily Star, Cassopolis Vigilant and Edwardsburg Argus. She can be reached at (269) 683-7713 or at katie.johnson@lead erpub.com.