By Staff
Generation Text Message, the kids who supposedly get their news from Jon Stewart in-between making up new, semi-clever abbreviations and getting the Zac Effron haircut has finally gone too far. OMFG, but WTF? How could you possibly make the cast of MTV's "The Hills" huge stars?
Whereas I thought Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie seemed likely to remain America's least-deserving celebrities for the foreseeable future, their crown has been usurped by the unappealing self-absorbed morons on "The Hills." The two bubblehead celebutantes may have only become famous because they had money and well-known last names, but at least they had those two things.
The cast of "The Hills," however, have become incredibly famous without doing anything or having any particular hook.
It's impossible to visit a supermarket checkout line without seeing a magazine telling you something about Lauren, Heidi, Audrina and the various men marrying, dumping or potentially impregnating them.
For those of you too old to have a Facebook page and thereby unfamiliar with "The Hills," let me explain. This clearly semi-scripted "reality" show follows the lives of a group of endlessly feuding dimwits as they live their pretend lives.
Nobody on the show does anything, but they obsess over their relationships like junior high schoolers. It's all innocuous enough and no worse than dozens of other shows, except the women from "The Hills" have become incredibly famous. They're on magazine covers weekly, appear in gossip columns and generally have a level of fame usually reserved for people who at least act or sing.
It's as if one of the meerkats from "Meerkat Manor" all of a sudden started dating P. Diddy and got to be on the cover of US magazine every week. These women are so undeserving of their fame they make Charo look like Frank Sinatra.
I know that teenagers and twentysomethings always like things that perplex older generations. My generation made both "Rock Me Amadeus" and "Pacman Fever" hits while briefly making Hollywood give TV shows to both Max Headroom and Jacko (Energizer, oy!).
We were also responsible for the leg warmer trend, the fact that Police Academy had six sequels, the multi-artist charity song and the jalapeno popper.
None of these things, however, make as little sense as creating megastars out of mildly good-looking no talents and obsessing over their every move.
In the '80s you at least had to do something before becoming a celebrity.
If Lauren, Audrina or Heidi had gotten stuck in a well or appeared at sporting events in a rainbow wig, I might understand. Instead, they live completely empty lives on TV and millions of teenagers and college kids aspire to that emptiness.
Realistically, attaining fame without having talent might actually be the American dream.
Most people have no talent, aren't that interesting and are nothing much to look at.
Before "The Hills" those people lacked role models and their only path to fame was a random lightning strike or committing a crime against someone well-known.
Now, however, you can be famous without shooting President Reagan or showing up unexpectedly at David Letterman's house. All it takes is your own TV show, 60 or so IQ points and maybe some breast implants.
Daniel B. Kline can be reached at dan@notastep.com.