By By JOHN EBY / Vigilant/Argus
CASSOPOLIS – Relay for Life "is therapy for the heart and spirit," says breast cancer survivor Shirley Guilford. "Hope is the word everyone wants to have toward a determination to eliminate this disease. I feel great. My hair's come back. And remember: There is no such thing as a bad hair day. Any day with hair is a good day."
Cancer has been an unwanted visitor in her family since 1977, when her mother was diagnosed with melanoma in South Bend, Ind. She died in 1980 at age 60.
Then her husband, Lance, was diagnosed with prostrate cancer in 2004. That same year, cancer claimed her father-in-law.
Shirley's own diagnosis of breast cancer came in June 2006.
"I discovered the lump myself," she said, "but that did not make the bad news any easier."
Many doctors visits and tests followed.
"I met with a wonderful surgeon who said I needed to do something very quickly," Guilford said. "After all the results were in to him, he told me what I would have to go through. This is when he became aware that I'm a tough cookie. I tried every idea I could come up with to avoid chemo. I asked for so many scenarios to get out of it, but he said no to all of my ideas.
"Empowerment prevailed in my thoughts," Guilford continued. "I told myself that I was not going to let this control me, I am going to control it all the way through – and I did.
"I went through mastectomy surgery with flying colors. My husband had a hard job keeping me from overdoing it. He would rat me out at the doctor's office."
Guilford said she had 18 chemotherapy sessions and six weeks of radiation.
"I was bound and determined to stick with my empowerment and not let this slow me down. I was one of the lucky people who handled the drugs very well. I did not miss a day of work and was barely slowed at all."
She even walked eight to 10 miles a day during chemotherapy.
"Needless to say," Guilford said, "my doctors were a bit surprised. The worst side effect for me was hair loss. That was absolutely the hardest hurdle I had to conquer. I wore different hats every day. At work, it became fun for everyone else to see how I matched my hat to my outfit. With all I went through, it made me stronger than I was before and my husband and I really do appreciate every day we have good health."
On June 7, 2007, caregiver Lois Owen's husband, Daniel, was diagnosed with throat cancer after having a cyst removed from his neck.
After a biopsy, a small tumor was taken off his right tonsil.
"This started our journey down the path of radiation and chemotherapy treatment," Owen said of a "job I didn't apply for."
"Most people don't think of themselves as caregivers because caregivers are paid. Sometimes you don't realize you're a caregiver. It's something you do. If your child gets diagnosed with cancer, you, as a parent, take care of that child. If your parents are ill in any way, as a child, you take care of your parents. And there's that line in your marriage, 'In sickness and in health…,' so you take care of your spouse as well."
"A caregiver has many hats to wear – a home health care aide, a companion, they arrange schedules, they manage insurance issues, a financial manager and a housekeeper. Sometimes taking on the role for the people you care about just because they're unable to do it for themselves. You find out real quickly that 24 hours in a day really isn't enough," Owen said.
"You also become a member of a team," she said. "This team consists of doctors, nurses, other patients and their family members. You will get to know these people very well.
"Cancer causes changes in your life. The person dealing with cancer will have feelings of anxiety, anger, resentment and even depression," Owen said, "while the caregiver can have these same feelings. Sometimes you will have to change jobs, work reduced hours or even retire to be available for the person you're caring for. In my case, I worked reduced hours to take my husband to treatments. When I had projects that needed to be done, my mother-in-law and my sister-in-law stepped in to take my place. That support was wonderful. Sometimes you have to look to family and friends for that support. And don't be afraid to ask."
Owen also recommends involving friends in what's happening.
"My husband didn't really want to see people at first," she related. "He couldn't talk and he felt embarrassed. I abided by his wishes, but I had a list that was quite large, and I would send out mass e-mails to keep everyone updated on how he was doing.
It's important that "caregivers take care of themselves, too," she said. "Take a break to do something for you – a movie, a spa visit or just go window shopping."
It might help to involve the cancer patient in activities they like, "but don't force them," Owen suggested. "Encourage them to share their feelings about what is going on with them. Sometimes talking about it makes it easier to cope. Don't worry about it if this doesn't work. Help in every way, but also encourage them to help themselves. This allows them to have some control in their lives at a point where everything is out of control.
"If the person is angry – and they will get angry – know that it is usually not you that they're angry with," Owen said. "Sometimes you have to continually turn the other cheek."
Communication is essential, even when difficult.
"A kiss or a light touch can say an awful lot," she said. "Always stay positive, which is not always easy, but it will get you through the toughest times."
March 12 the results from Dan's CAT scan were received.
"No cancer cells were detected," she said. "Although we still need to visit doctors, those visits are not as frequent."