By Staff
If Britney Spears' parents truly want to get her some help, they will get her out of L.A. and back to La. – Louisiana, that is.
Just like Anna Nicole, the entertainment media, fueled by what readers are buying, are mesmerized by Spears' personal woes.
Indeed, she seems to have gone off the deep end. I mean, what's with the British accent? That girl needs to get back to Kentwood, Louisiana, with the quickness. Shame on her parents for not getting her back there sooner.
Why would Louisiana be better for Britney? So many reasons … where do I start?
Kentwood is a small town located along I-55 in Louisiana, just south of the Mississippi state line. It's about 45 minutes from Baton Rouge, about an hour's drive I think from New Orleans. It's about 30 minutes from McComb, Miss., and not that far from Hammond, La., and Southeastern Louisiana University.
Kentwood is in the heart of the deep South, smack in the middle of some of the most beautiful country and culture and most wonderful people in the world. Real people with real lives.
Having graduated from college in Lafayette, La., I've known a couple of Louisiana State Troopers and I'm relatively certain they'd have no trouble handling the paparazzi.
I'm pretty sure Louisiana law enforcement officers in general wouldn't put up with the craziness that surrounds Britney for one minute. It just wouldn't happen. You would need to have spent some time in Louisiana to know what I'm saying is the absolute truth.
Britney would be surrounded by an enclave of people who would protect her.
For instance, if she again decided she wanted to make an impromptu stop at the beauty salon to shave her head, Nikki at Nikki's Kountry Kuts could stall Britney long enough to get word back to Britney's mama, or aunt or second cousin twice removed that Britney had apparently gone off her meds.
Louisiana would save Britney lots of money. The closest mall of any consequence is in Baton Rouge and its most expensive store is Dillards. And you know what? Dillards is all anybody needs. If Britney can't get it at Dillards in the Mall of Louisiana in Baton Rouge, she simply doesn't need it.
Britney also needs some home cooking. I'm not talking sushi, I'm talking fried catfish. I'm talking Piggly Wiggly.
Britney needs the kind of nourishment one would get from Peggy's Drive-In on Fifth Street in Kentwood, the Kentwood Livestock Kitchen on Highway 38 or Skinney's Restaurant on Highway 51.
Britney's problem is she's a fish out of water, so to speak. She's so not L.A. She is so Louisiana. Just look at her, please. Britney screams Louisiana.
Life is different in Louisiana. People in Louisiana – and most everywhere outside L.A. for that matter – have their priorities straight.
That's what Britney needs, a return to reality. There's no better place to get a healthy dose of reality than Louisiana.