Mole coup under way

Published 2:55 am Wednesday, April 30, 2003

By Staff
One of my many character flaws is that I just can't get excited about yard work. It's not the labor I abhor, it's the time it takes away from really important things like fishing and mushroom hunting. But now I have my back to the wall. An entire brigade of moles have launched a full blown assault on my kingdom. Their attack of 'shock and awe' was brutal. Now I can't even pretend my pitiful display of crabgrass, assorted weeds and smattering of fescue is a lawn. Sensing the City Blight Gestapo would soon be a-calling I had to do something.
Off to the nursery for advice. Nearly a hundred bucks later I emerged fully equipped to launch a counter offensive, including a secret weapon, BWMMD (Biological Weapon of Mass Mole Destruction), otherwise known as milky spore bacteria. 'Moles feed on Japanese beetle grubs,' the salesman assured me. 'This milky spore stuff kills the grubs. No grubs, no moles.' I grinned in anticipation of my terror attack against the infidels.
When I smugly informed others of my devastating bio-weapon I received numerous conforming reports, 'Works great for Japanese beetles but doesn't do much for the moles.' Okay, so much for clandestine tactics, it's time to go straight for the jugular.
After a quick meeting with my War Cabinet (Little Big Dog), the decision was made to acquire and deploy CWMMD (Chemical Weapons of Mass Mole Destruction), otherwise known as mole pellets. This was a tough decision as CWMMD's do not discriminate and many civilians such as birds, squirrels and even unmonitored dogs could be caught up in the attack. But in war one must do what he has to do. The counter offensive is ongoing but so far the results are disappointing. The tunnel humps are still appearing with alarming regularity.
Now it has dawned on me I've been making a classic military blunder. I had not taken the time to learn my enemy. To the books I went where I found there are two species of moles in Michigan, the Eastern mole and the star nose mole. The Eastern mole is the one most often found in yards. They have naked red noses and short tails. They prefer well drained, somewhat sandy soils. They tunnel just under the surface, raising ridges as they dig their way along.
The star nose mole has a cluster of little wart like protrusions from its bare nose and a long tail. They inhabit moist areas with rich, dark soil. Their tunnels are much deeper, up to twenty inches underground, so are seldom visible. Every so often they come to the surface which causes a single, volcano like mound. Both species tunnel for the same reason, to find grubs, worms, plant tubers and seeds. It was the Eastern mole tribe attempting this coup.
Studies show most of the home remedies such as depositing chewing gum or broken glass shards in the tunnels are ineffective old wive's tales. The milky spores so in vogue does selectively kill Japanese beetle larvae but moles eat so many things they may have enough other food sources to thrive anyway.
The most environmentally friendly way to launch a mole offensive is with traps. However, this is labor intensive and rarely gets all of them. Chemical smoke bombs are available to kill moles but the results can be iffy. It's generally agreed that poison pellets are the fastest, most effective way to combat them. The trick is to get the pellets in the right place. Moles have two types of tunnels, travel tunnels and hunting tunnels. The travel tunnels are used regularly but a hunting tunnel is usually a one time thing. Travel tunnels can be identified by stomping all the tunnels down and seeing which ones are re-dug within the next day or so. Those are the ones to lace with your CWMMD.
Now some preliminary reports are coming in from the field that squirrels might be digging up some of the pellets and my conscience is getting the better of me. Do I accept a certain amount of civilian casualties or give in to the coup and face the blight tribunal? Carpe diem.
Larry Lyons writes a weekly outdoor column for Leader Publications. He can be reached at larrylyons@beanstalk.net