I would like to address a response to “The Dress Code Dilemma” opinion letter by Morgan Bonomo printed in the Dowagiac Daily NewsDec. 18. This is a subject deserving of more than a cursory exploration and is not a “non-issue” to be skimmed over and forgotten.

I am a boomer and therefore grew up in the 1950s and ‘60s. For those of you who remember this era, it was the last we saw of rules, discipline and consequences for inappropriate behavior in any social or formal setting. We had dress codes in school that were enforced. Dresses and skirts for girls, and slacks and shirts for boys. No jeans or slacks for girls. No jeans or T-shirts for boys. And you didn’t even “stretch” the rules without being called into the principal’s office.

I know. I was.

I was one of those girls who wanted to wear jeans to school and couldn’t (or wouldn’t) understand what was wrong with it. But that day it wasn’t jeans I wore to school. It was a skort; you know, shorts with a skirt-like panel across the front. Well, that didn’t fly, either, and I had to go home and change.

While I could see nothing wrong with girls wearing pants then, I saw in later years what became wrong with relaxing the dress code; especially to the point it now is. Giving kids the freedom to choose their school wardrobe has led down a slippery slope with results that include lack of respect of faculty and of the idea of rules in general; a keeping-up-with-the-Joneses attitude causing jealousy, resentment and even violence between students who have and have not the financial means to wear name-brand fashions; slovenliness in appearance because there currently are no appreciable standards of dress established to prevent it; and it’s merely become another “issue” about which everybody can take sides and argue.

Our whole society has gone to hell in a hand basket.

It is obvious that Morgan is not of my generation that she should be “shocked” that a ban was placed against the wearing of “stretchy pants” without a “fingertip-length top.” It comes as no shock to me. It actually shocks me that she is shocked at such a lack of self-esteem.

We don’t need bans. We need a dress code established with uniforms. Such a code would virtually eliminate every problem that has grown from the freedom-to-dress-as-you-want movement. It would put everyone on the same level. Who knows? Teachers might even be able to regain the respect of students that they used to have. Of course the teachers would also have to have uniforms. Fair is fair.

How simple getting ready for school would become! No decisions on colors or styles. No being hauled out of class and sent home for wearing something questionable. No double standards. There would be no questions. It would bring an unprecedented level of equality to the classroom.

But will this ever happen? Probably not in my lifetime. Why not? Because the school board would be too afraid to stand up and do the right thing. The educational environment has been without rules for so long they have let the foxes rule the henhouse and have forgotten who is supposed to be in charge. They’ve lost both their perspective and their common sense (of course they aren’t the only ones to have lost common sense in this day and age).

I venture to guess if I were to walk into any public classroom across this country, I could send at least three-quarters of the kids home for “inappropriate dress.” What most of them think is being attractively dressed (boys or girls) is actually a lame excuse for fashion sense and instead ranges from slut to slob, with no gender preference. Kids have no pride in their appearance anymore because they know they can do whatever they want without repercussions. It’s a real shame (pun intended). While I do not promote a return to the repressive attitudes of the early 20th Century, over the last 50-60 years we have lost sight of the need to appropriately prepare our youth for a responsible adulthood. Both common sense and civility have been lost to past generations, mostly because of a lack of example by parents and educators.

Well, perhaps that’s not entirely true. Perhaps it’s a good deal in part because government has removed the ability of both parents and educators to set and enforce guidelines for acceptable behavior. All the power to set standards of behavior have been given to the children. Tell me what kind of sense that makes. None. Absolutely none.

Parents don’t dare spank a child anymore because it’s considered “abuse.” Hogwash. Only the brightest of children can be reasoned with at a young age, and we don’t have that many bright children to establish that level of disciplinary restriction. While I hardly support a beating, a good swat on the backside will make a more lingering impression than taking away a toy for a day or two.

Now you’ll ask, “How do you determine what is a “beating” from a “swat?”

Again, use some common sense. Parents who truly use abusive discipline can still be held accountable, but parents employing reasonable discipline should not have to fear being arrested for a simple spanking. Instead of holding children responsible for their behavior, we blame the parents and teachers for trying to set proper behavior standards that are then unenforceable. Children need to know they cannot threaten their parents and teachers with arrest every time they are reprimanded for unacceptable behavior. Who’s in charge here anyway?

I have expanded upon my original point because everything is related. You cannot address one point only without background support. The bottom line, however, is that an appropriate school wardrobe and the decline of both school and family disciplinary guidelines is directly related to the relaxation of dress codes nearly 50 years ago. It’s been a downhill slide since then, and in the meantime we’ve experienced an increase in school bullying, delinquency, the formation of criminal gangs and associated violence and crime, and the general downfall of family values.

There are still plenty of “good kids” out there. Those kids understand the need for rules and respect them. They are unlikely to grow up to be an abuser or a murderer but instead a valued and honored member of society. It’s those who are growing up with no rules to follow who need them most. Don’t get me wrong, but kids are like dogs in that in order to have a well-behaved dog, you need to set boundaries and limitations. A dog who understands those limitations is a happy dog and a valued member of the family. Likewise, children who understand there are behavioral boundaries and reasonable expectations to be met are happy children. Simplistic, perhaps, but true.

As far as school dress is concerned, go back in time and set rules. Then enforce them.

 

Lois Karasek

Dowagiac