Daniel B. Kline: Lebron not the only free agent on the marketPublished 8:56pm Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Rather than hustling for jobs, sending out endless resumes and doing whatever potential employers ask of me, I’m now only taking meetings with select companies.
This will happen on my timetable, at the location of my choice and mostly, I’ll be making people come see me to feed my ego, not because I will actually consider working for them.
Better still, I will release no actual information about what my future plans might be.
Instead, I’ll have legions of friends, hangers-on and people who don’t actually know me give interviews about what they think I might do.
Just to keep people guessing, I’ll have lunch with other “free agent” writers/PR guys/Web consultants/op-ed columnists.
I’ll also talk on my phone a lot to give the impression that I’m scheming, conniving and otherwise plotting some shocking career move, when really I’m either talking to my mother or leaving myself really long voicemail messages.
Of course, Lebron has every team in the NBA scrambling to claim his services because he’s one of the best all time at what he does. And, while I might not be an all-time great, neither is Chris Bosh or Joe Johnson.
In the somewhat less covered by the press than basketball world of writer/PR guys/Web consultants, I may not be James, but I’m at least the equivalent of second-tier guys like Bosh. And, of course, if you’re looking to hire me as a fairly witty columnist, I may not be Joel Stein, but given the lack of options, I’m certainly max money.
Realistically, having held a dozen jobs at the age of 36 ranging from newspaper editor to toy store manager, Internet executive to scaffold salesman, I am the best at what I do.
Never mind that nobody else does what I do, I think most companies could use a guy who can do just about anything.
I’m the Swiss Army knife of employees, just as comfortable at a meeting with the CEO as I am loading a truck or going on a sales call.
Currently, I do PR for a non-profit, consult on marketing for a toy store, have a book deal and am under consideration to run a trade association, overhaul a news-based Web site and deliver Web 2.0 services for a trade show company.
To further confuse matters during my self-declared free agency, I won’t be giving any interviews and I won’t be offering any hints as to what I might want to do.
One company, knowing I like Star Wars, might hire Mark Hamill and Chewbacca to make a video recruiting me, while another that knows how much I like dry rub barbecue might sign Bobby Flay to run the company cafeteria.
I’m from the Boston area, but live in Connecticut, so hometown loyalty might come into play.
Perhaps I’m looking for a big city, or maybe I want rural.
Nobody knows but me and I’m not telling because if I don’t say what I want, maybe someone will offer me something I never thought to desire.
So, as America’s premiere free agent writer/PR guy/Web consultant/op-ed columnist, I’m sitting back and waiting for the offers to come in.
You can reach me at the contact info below, but I’m not promising anything.
Daniel B. Kline’s work appears in over 100 papers weekly. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org or you can see his archive at dbkline.com. See new content daily at WorstIdeasEver.com and follow Kline on Twitter at @WorstIdeas.