When someone asks me what I do for a living, I have no satisfying answer to give them.

While I’m proud of my “straight” job running a very unique toy and hobby store, there’s a part of me that always wants to answer “writer.”

Of course, writing is not how I make my living at the moment.

I’ve made money as a writer, worked full-time as an editor and had a six-figure year as a freelancer, but right now, writing is, at best, a sideline.

Still, there’s a romantic part of me, and perhaps an ego-driven part of me, that craves the specialness that identifying myself as a creative person provides.

I never actually intended to stop being a writer first and a business guy second. It just sort of happened as the responsibilities of being a husband, a father and the attendant mortgages and car loans piled up.

At first, the realities of parenthood pushed writing to the backburner. It’s hard to pitch freelance articles and write book proposals when you have a baby keeping you up all night.

Then, it became the fact that in addition to loving writing and the associated acclaim, I also love running things – specifically the toy and hobby store where I currently serve as general manager.

I was a passionate ladder company executive and I’m an insanely devoted toy and hobby store manager.

I love the stress of managing people and the joys (and occasional hardships) of dealing with customers.

I run a store people feel connected to – a place that they revel in sharing with their children – and there’s an ego boost from that similar to the one I get when someone recognizes me from something I have written.

Still, though, nothing exactly equals the high of writing something and having it read.
I’ve been more than willing to sacrifice money for attention as a newspaper columnist and that has to speak to my overly-inflated sense of how interesting I am.

Realistically, nobody writes a column about his life for the best part of 20 years without a healthy ego.

If I did not believe I was pretty entertaining, it’s unlikely I’d expose my inner workings in who knows how many hundreds of papers and Web sites each week.

On the other hand, that same ego enjoys being the boss of people and likes the more immediate awards that working in a store offers.

Writing can be solitary whereas managing a store involves constantly interacting with people – which can be invigorating.

For the past six years though, since I left writing and editing as a full-time profession, I have neglected that side of myself and allowed this column to be my only creative endeavor.

I could say that’s because my business and family take up much of my time, but that would only be a piece of the story.

Writing in most cases involves rejection. Articles get shot down by editors and book proposals get critiqued by agents then ultimately rejected by publishers.

Constant rejection does not help with the aforementioned ego, so not trying helps me maintain my creative vision of myself a lot more readily than trying and failing does.
That ends this year.

So, if you’re a book publisher specifically, I’m going to bother you quite a bit this year.
If my various proposals fail (nobody likes my idea to write a book where I let the Magic 8 Ball make all my decisions for 12 months) then they fail and I try again.

I’m a businessman, but I’m also a writer. I’m pretty good at both and have never figured out how to combine the two in a job.

So, in 2010, I’ll work two jobs if I have to, even if one offers more than its fair share of heartbreak and rejection. I’ve been through that before and, well, at least you’re still reading.